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Monday, December 12th, 2005
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hulo diaree. we havint tokd in a wile butt thats becuz momy showd me this websit ware it sez LOOK AT THIS PIKTCHER SEE IF U CAN SEE SUMTHING WRONG an then yoo look at it for a wile and you cant reely tel an then a PIKTCHER OF SUMTHIN SCAREE POPS UP AN IT MAIKS A LOWD NOISE AN ITS SCAREE an so i havent tuchd yoo sints, compewter, becuz i thot yoo wer honted. then i towld my fren abowt it an he wuz lik NO THATS JUST A WEBSIT THARE AR ALOT OF THOSE NOW GIV ME UR LUNCH MUNNY. so now we can tok agen. unles you want lunch then ur owt of luk becuz i havint got any lunch munny. i lost it. i looz it evreeday. im veree clumzy. its cuz im so hungree i think. momy sez brekfas is the most important meel of the day but shes allwaze with one of her docters in the morning an before they begin thare wok of shame she makes them eksamin her agin. i think a bunch of them are chinese wich is why they got a wok. chinese peepl shur got a lot les squinty. i been pritty sik lately i got a coff an a feaver an a headake an a runny nose an sniffles. momy sed we cud both go to the docter cuz she had snifilis allso. i sed WHY DONT WE JUST SEE ONE OF UR DOCTERS THARE HEER EVREEDAY but she sed no she had to go to a grimocologist problee cuz shes grimey. docter sed i had the bird flu wich werks cuz i love big bird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think i lik him so much cuz hes scaree an yello, jus lik chinese peepul used to be. aneeway docter sed that i shud pack up my stuf an say my goodbys becuz i mite not maik it thru. then momy cride an docter held her an she invyted him over that nite an he gave her the ushual eksam she gets evreenite. momy must be much sickr than i am to see docters evreenite even tho i coff red but thats cuz i love HI C its delishos but we bin owt of HI C the last cuple of yeers. my bodee is problee teling me it needs sum. maybe i will tel that MAIK A WISH guy i wuld like a bathtub ful of HIC he sez i can hav wutever i lik. it mus be my birfday. i bet it is cuz momy didunt menshun it that ushualee meens its heer. momy took the MAIK A WISH guy owtside an went to his car an it was thumpin so thay musta bin listnin to musac reel loud, he wuz blak so maybe he had hydrolix. i axd momy she sed dont be racest. im gonna go now diaree i got yoo all red cuz i am coffin.
momy just saw that sentints an started cryn. i think she got attackd by a vampyr once.
BYE DIAREEE!!!!!!!!!!111
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hey diaree gess whos grate at basteball?!!!11 meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. ia m reely gud so thay ar puting me in the fith grade jus so i can play for thare teem. it is luckee i am so gud or else i wud never maik it to the fith grade thay sed. i play secun base and i am probly the best hitler on the teem. thay say ima switch hitler becuz i can hit left or rite. in yesturdays game i got too home runs and we wun 859043589043895345890438095403954 to nuthing. momy liks that i play basteball becuz she can get to thurd baste in the parking lot while i am geting to thurd baste on the feeld. i dont no wut she meens tho maybee she gows to anuther feeld wile i practits? wutever, my coch is happee becuz we win and he celebrayts with momy. the empire caim over last nite an i think he an momy wer playing basteball in momys bed becuz he kep saying I AM OUT, I AM OUT an momy wuz lik YOU ARE BAD AT THIS YOU KEEP SLIPING OUT and shed half to get him back in. he an coch ar nice to me an so ar my teemates. i think i am maiking frens diaree.
DANNNYYYYYYY!11111111111111
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hullo diaree i fergot abowt you. ime sorree. but we can be frends agin cuz momy and i got robd. we caim home and the tellovishun and halo 2 werr gon. now i cant wach eny of my shows on upn lyke moesha or hangin mr. cooper. word, diaree, thos shose ar off the chane. yu no wuts not off the chane? ar mirror. its on the flor and thare is pixydust on it. i hoap peter pan didunt rob us. he mite cum back and take me to neverland ware i will be fonduld. cops caim wen we calld them and they spoak with momy. she filld out reports and thay showd me thare car. thay also showd me thare gun. i told them that if the robbers have halo 2 that the cops are in for it cuz thay have all sorts of firepower. the cops laffd. won of the cops wouldunt leeve at the end of the nite, he kept intarogating momy. at first he askd things like WUT IS YOUR NUMBER but as the nite wint on he wuz asking YOU LIKE THAT BICH YOU LIKE THAT BICH but it was ok cuz momy kept showting YES YES YES so i gess he got her to confess to something. i hoap she wasunt involved in steeling my halo 2.
the thing that doesunt maik eny sents tho is that nun of our meat was stolin. wut kind of hamburglar just leevs ten pownds of beef in the frij? i gess that ronald mcdonalds gang ar pritty dumb diaree. the cop in momys room kind of looks like ronalds hamburger cop frend.
i hoap this isnt some cuntspiracy against me, diaree. yor the only frend i got in this.
DANNY!111111111
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i am so happee i got outer the hospitul tuday diaree!!! becuz its internashenal wimens day!!!!!! it wulda bin a shaim to spend it in the hospitul, cuz evry yeer its lik krismus. teechers alwaze play games and eat candees an evrywon givs eech other gifs. an we preten we are famus femenests. an we play dress up! this yeer i got margaret sanger :( i wantid emmeline pankhurst. she is my favrit suffrajist. margaret sanger is a skanky ho wen it coms to femenism. my fren alex got rosa parks an then we playd musikal chares an i tuk his seet. i sed NO YOU CANT HAVE YOR SEET I WON IT GO TO THE BAK OF THE CLAS. a bunch of kids laffd but not my fren kwanteesha, she seemd mad. mabe its cuz she got mary shelly an she invented frankinstyne. ide be mad to if i invinted a monster that kills mor peepul a yeer than the wolfman an drakula combined. then i wint home an evry yeer momy an i hav a big internashenal wimens day party an we have gifs too. we also have a pinata in the shaip of a peepee. then i uzually go to won or to mor partees cuz lots of peepul thro internashenal wimens day partees. then at nite we have a big feest an we tel scary storees of wimens strugguls an we lite are tradishunal international wimens day candles. i lik this holuday better then jezezes birthday an my birthday combined.
ur my best fren, diaree. after the ninteeth amendmint an title nine!!!!!!!!!
Danny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111
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hey diary. yesterday i wint to the hospital. i wusunt feeling so gud. momy sed ARE YOU OK ARE YOU OK and i sed no cuz it feels like his panics are hijaking my tummy. then i past owt and woak up in an ambyulance. it wuz fast an i was hukd into toobs an stuff. i past owt agen. i woak up an wuz in the hospital an i felt OK. a docter caim owt an tol me i had hippotitis C and wud need to stay of my feet for a wile. i wuz sad. my grades wernt gud enuff for hippotitis A or B. i cride an momy askd if it hurt an i lide so she wud get me ise creem. she did. i askd if i got hippotitis from the hippos at the zoo an momy sed no its a livor dizzies. i askd if hippos get hippotitis becuz i bin hangin owt with for of em cuz i bin playing hungree hungree hippos a lot latlee. momy laffd an sed no. i think she is in cahoots with the hippos. shes bin eyeing my marbles alot latlee.
i hate hippos an thare marble stealin' an i gotta hide my marbles from momy wen i get home. thay are fat dizzeasd animuls. i hate having hippotitis.
Danny!!!!!!!!!11111111
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Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
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diaree, momy lewses mor respekt frum me evry day. last nite she tuk me to the simfony. ferst of all, i dont no if your awair diaree but the simfony doesunt have lazers. not even litesabers. its just a bunch of old peepul on the stage playing instrements no won cairs abowt or a bunch of old peepul in the awdients lisning no won cairs abowt. so i wuz lisning an i fell aslepe an then i woak up an thay were still playing an i yelld BOARING an then a yung guy came onstage but he was the mystro an he wore a sute with long tales on it an had a chopstik he wuz waving. not even to chopstiks. won. so thare playing an still no lazers so i deside i will fix the problem an i shine my lazer poynter in a bunch of the musishuns faces an thay blink an cant reed thare music and im laffin an then i get grabbd and momy and i get throne owt an momy bys some drinx an she is mad at me and then she drinks three drinx an stumbles to are car an then drives us hoam. i thot she wuz gonna fall aslepe. speshully wen she awlmost hit this pedestreen an a telefone pole.
i am luky we got kickd outta the simfony becuz iv never sene momy drive so gud.
DaNny!!!!!!!!!!
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Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
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diaree diaree diaree! tuday i almost got hit by a bunch of cars so im gonna rite lessens to keep myself informd. thare ar very simpul rules. RULE WON - ONLEE CROSS THE STRETE WEN THE WITE MAN ON THE SINE APPEARS. he luks like a gost - so walk befor he starts to flash an becom a red hand. if he becoms a red hand its to late your already hit by a 1998 doj ram. RULE TO - IF THARE IS A CROSING GARD MAKE SHER HES NOT A PRISNER. thay both ware ornj so its hard to tell somtimes but ujually the prisner wont try to fondul chilren an the crosing gard always does. i think it is safetey to make sher thare is not a gun in yor pance. yu cant be to safe after the cottonbine shootings in colerado. the prisner mite try to take you hostij tho so you have to be cairful. just remember that the prisner doesunt smell lik booz yet and the crosing gard alreddy does. RULE THREY - LUK BOTH WAZE AND HOLD SOMONES HAND. but you gotta be careful that you ar not holding a bline persens hand becuz not onlee can thay not luk at all but also thay are just slo walking targits with gooffee cains.
OK diaree thats enuff lerning for tuday,
Danny!!!!!!!!
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hullo diaree sorry i didunt speek to yu yesterday but i cudunt cuz i didunt hav time to. momy tuk me to werk even tho it wuzunt TAKE YOR SON TO WERK DAY. she sed evry day i can set the howse on fire is TAKE YOUR SON TO WERK DAY an that she didunt trust me aloan with halo 2. momys job is not how i wanted to spend my spring brake, diaree. she werks in an offis bilding. thare are lots of peepul who werk with her an thay all have thare own pubeicle. thos are littul sqwares that you werk. i was in momys pubicle an it wuz cramped so wen momy wud leeve to do somthing i wud sneek out and have fun with momys cowerkers. won of the times i fownd a snack masheen an this woman was like I WILL BY YOU SOMTHING an i was effended that she didunt think i was won of her cowerkers so i donald trumped her i sed YOUR FIRED an she laffed an sed CUTE BUT NOW YOUR NOT GETTING A SNACK so i went to her desk an i put all her papers in the confetti maker and poord coffee in her compyuter an i thru her perse out the window an then i tuk all the picshers of her grand chilren an put them in the garbij. her phoan rang so i pickd up an sed SHE DOESUNT WERK HERE ANYMORE. then i watched her come back from the snack masheen an yu no wut diaree? i had the rong pubicle. so then i had to wait a long time for her to go to the bathrum again an then i did it all over again to her pubicle.
werk is hard diaree i never want a nine to five.
Danny!
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Sunday, February 27th, 2005
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tuday i got outta cherch, diaree. i told momy ITS SPRING BRAKE AN ITS ONLY ONE WEEK OUTA THE HOLE YEER. JEZEZ HAS BIN ON BRAKE FOR TO THOWSAND YEERS. HE WUD WANT US TO BE LAZEE TO. momy sed YOUR RIGHT an then sed somthing abowt thats why so menny eyerish and his panics ar cathlick. so insted of cherch i got to wach teevee and momy promist wede play cards but she ackshally she just went back to slepe.
i think peter parker shud run for presidint.
DANNY!!!
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Saturday, February 26th, 2005
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hay diaree SPRING BRAKE!!!1 thats wut thay call it wen you dont hav skool and girls are slutteer than uzual an take off thare close for cheep bedes. even tho momys not on spring brake she tuk me to the kasino an thay give her a bunch of plastek pogs. girls in the kasino are even slutteer then other girls becuz thay ware almost as littul an take it off for pogs. at leest with bedes you got a neckliss but i bet thay dont even play pogs cuz nun of the girls in my skool say that no what pogs are. momy playd dise - i think it wuz yotzee - at a big tabul an she kept rowling an lewsin her pogs an then she wuz cryin an she towl me if i could get into colluj now i cudunt go thare an then i started cryin cuz i dont no wut colluj is but it sownds fun. then this asiun guy came over an he slipt a reely fancy pog into momys butt crak. momy lit up wen she lookt at it it wuz silver an hevy an musta been a slammer an then he sed IF YOU COME TO RUM 814 I GOT A BED WITH A HUNDRID MOR OF THOS. momy wastid no time an went with him an i was left alown on the flore so i walkt arown. thare was this game of pogs goin on with cards an it so happend i had my slammers an pogs with me so i lookt at it. this eyetalian guy thot i wuz funnee an rubd my hed and sed YOU ARE GUD LUK KID an he wuz nice. then he sed PLAY FOR ME KID so i tuk my slammer owt an i won all the pogs in the middul an the deeler wuz like HAY GET BACK HEER but i wuz so happy i ran away an evryone wuz mad cuz thay wantid a chants to win thare pogs back. thin i rememberd momys room number so i wint up to 814 an it sownded lik momy wuz gettin into a fite cuz she wuz yelin HARDER HARDER HARDER but i figyerd that she cud win withowt my help cuz asiuns ar small. i wated an lookt at my pogs an then this reely pritty girl came over i think she wuz a boartender. she sed HEY THARE TIGER WANNA GET A RUM WIF ME an i sed SURE YOUR PRITTY. so we got to her rum an she startid touchin me an she took one of my pogs an i sed HEY ILL ONLEE GIV YOU WON an she sed THEN I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU ONE OF THEES an then she tuk of her shirt an ript of my pance an then the next thing i new thare wuz wite out comin out of me an i got it all over her fase an her mowth and i got scare an ran away an sed SORRY I SNIFF WITE OUT A LOT I DIDUNT NO!!!!!!!1 she smild tho so i think she sniffs it wen her momy tells her not to awlso. wen i got bak to 814 then momy opend the dor an i wuz rite abowt the fite. momy was all ruffuld up but he wuz just lyin thare smokin a cigaret so he musta got his butt kickt. he wuz red an swetting an his close were torn. momy sed LETS GO BABY an had her pogs an i felt gud she wuzunt cryin so i gave her my pogs too an she smild big an sed I LOVE YOU DANNY an i sed I LOVE YOU MOMY an then she gave me bak all my pogs that wernt from the kasino so i wuz happy too.
i think i am the best pog plair at the kasino, diaree.
DANNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
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Thursday, February 24th, 2005
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hay diaree tuday teecher showd us shindlers list in class. its abowt the hollercost wich is somthing that happend a long time ago so i fell aslepe. wen i woak up teecher wuz aksing us queshuns abowt the movee and i gess a lot of kids thot it wuz sad. i figyerd owt that this guy namd rudolf hitler reely hated juice. he wuz always burnin juice an puttin juice into consentrashun camps. i think thats wy momy buys are juice not from consentrate. she doesunt support hitler. so i razed my han an i said TEECHER I DONT THINK ITS THAT IMPORTENT THAT HITLER KILLD JUICE. I GO THRU TONS OF JUICE. IM ALWAYS THROWIN IT OWT CUZ ITS BAD. i gess a lot of peeopul likd juice cuz som kids started to cry an won of em calld me a notzee. then i got to go to the prinsipuls offis an she gave me grape juice. then i cride diaree. i wantid apple.
i feel bettr now tho.
Danny
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Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
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my hed herts, diaree. thees new pilz i am on ar giving me hedakes but my docter says i nede them and momy says farmersuiticles - those are pilz diaree - are nesisary. momys on som too only hers are for depreshun an mine are anteesicotics wich momy says controwl my temper. she put me on them wen i thru my controwler at the teevee and flipt the cowch an broak the windoes and then momy caim frum upstares and towl me NO DANNY DONT cuz i wuz holding the cat over the stove and then she towl me it wuz just a game an she wuz rong it wuz HALO 2!!!!!!1 her pilz taist better then mine she has lots of them. won of her pilz comes in a big ring and has the days on it and those are the tasteest but momy says avoyd them or she will have to get an aborshun. then shes got medisin wich taists happy an momy gets mad if i eet that but i dont cair cuz i fele lik i am wocking on clowds. then shes got bottuls of creem and it says VAJUSIL and it taists fun knee but momy just laffs wen i eet that an asks if i likt it an i say yes cuz i feel sillee. dady uze to be on pilz but momy sed it wuz just speed an so i dont think it wuz much of a big deel cuz i like keyanu reeves. i think his dady christofer dide lik mine did but his dady wuz in a weelchare even tho he uze to play superman.
im not so sher i lik pilz diaree.
Danny!!!!!!!!!!!111
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Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
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hullo diaree tuday wuz fun! teecher towld us all abowt astralajy wich i lernd wuz the study of stars. thare ar over 89048905hfdhj4930843895043854098oir49850938094 stars in the ski!!!!!!!11111 then she towld us about the sines of the zodyak wich ar simbles baste on your berthday. i fownd owt i am a torus wich i think is named after momys car. you ar a pisces diaree cuz i made you in febewaree. you ar named after my favrit candee reeses pisces. o i almost forgot teecher gave us homoscopes wich is a speshul forchun the newspaper givs you lik a forchun cooky but ide rather hav the cooky. my homoscope said DIFFRENT STROKES FOR DIFFRENT FOKES. TUDAY YOU WILL GET A CHANJ OF HART. CLEEN UP YOUR NAYBORHOOD. DO A GUD DEED. TRY SOMTHING NEW. MEET SOMONE SPESHUL AT WERK. i didunt understand it diaree it didunt seem speshul for me it just sownded like instrukshuns but it musta bin for me cuz i think grampapa had a stroke. they say DIFFRENT STROKES FOR DIFFRENT FOKES but i dont no how diffrent the fokes ar. thay all look the same thay got thare faces all loos and sillee!!!1 i think i mighta got the rong forchun akshally cuz i lookt at this girls an it was a gemineye and it werkt for me too. i think momy lide to me abowt my berthday.
i hoap i dont get a stroke, diaree.
Danny!!!!!!!!!!111
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Monday, February 21st, 2005
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O diaree wut a day!!!
ferst of all i watchd anakondas hunt for the blud orkid an it wuz scaree!!! dont watch it diaree unles you are prepaird to chanj your pants evrytime somone gets killd by won of thos anakondas. hahahahahahahaaaaahahhhhh, won poynt in the movee thay are lik CAN YOU HEER ME NOW CAN YOU HEER ME NOW an then the anakonda pulls her under an the guy is like CAN YOU HEER ME NOW! it wuz fun knee! an another time thay are talking abowt the anakondas eeting peepul an then thay say YOU MENSHUN EETING WON MORE TIME AN I AM VOTING YOU OFF THE EYELAND!!! it was fun knee diaree but survivor is not as fun knee as anakondas. i didunt no you wen i went to the zoo last yeer, diaree, but i wint thare and i didunt see any anakondas or any blud orkids. i wuz reely unhappy so dad promist me a puppee an i uzed the compyuter to find won but i fownd puppykibble dot com an my mom yelld at me and now i go thare wen she isunt arownd. dad doesunt go thare anymor tho he is ded.
BYE DIAREEE!!!!!!!!
Danny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Sunday, February 20th, 2005
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Diaree i dont no wy i put that smile in thare i didunt have fun in cherch tuday. Its so booring for a long tim an you have to stan up and sit down so much but momy makes me go. im not allowd to get the crakers yet becuz jezez hasunt sed i can eat him yet i dont reely get it i dont no how old you have to be to get him but momy gos to the preest and gets them. sometimes we go to the preests offis and he tells momy how bad we got it an so he wants to help and momy says thank you and somtimes i get to stay in the cadakizem clases wile momy sees the docter. ons i even got to stay with the preest an he red me a storee and i got to sit on his lap lik he wuz santa but i didunt get any gifts an i think father patrik peed his pants. but he sed i was a very gud boy and then momy pickd me up an she musta seen her docter cuz it lookd like she wet herself to. Wen you are old it must get hard to controwl your pee.
the songs thay sing in cherch ar so sad i dont no wy thay do it but then evryone givs monee in a baskit i think becuz jezez has a gambling problum lik dad uze to an problee needs lots of monee lik my dad uze to. he uze to hav a baskit wear he kept monee to. i think the songs ar reely sad becuz jezez must have a reely big det. momy says cherch has bin arown for to thowsand yeers so i gess jezez iz a big dedbeet dad like momy calls dad but jezez is in heven and momy says dad is roting in hell. thats the oposit of heven. i think dad and jezez wuld be gud frens maybe thay shud meet somtime. heven an hell probee have soker games sometims lik forth and fith grade does at my skool. i bet jezez flys an areplane in heven ;););)
hoapfulee momy an i wont have cherch for at leest a week, diaree
Danny!!!!!!!!!!1
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Saturday, February 19th, 2005
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hey diaree its me!!!
i figyerd out how to uze colers!!! now it is lik a bumbulbee in you!!! i hoap you lik it!
o diaree i fergot to tel you i can make fases on the compyuter!!!!!!!!
:)
you just hold the shif kee and tipe the eyes buton!!! if you ferget to hold shif then it makes them wink!!!!
;););););)
somtimes i tipe them wen i talk to girls on the compyuter i say somthing and then i add smiles after and it makes them think i am smiling at them but i am reely just making them feel gud. i talkd to my teecher on the compyuter an he askd if i new my homwork - wen i was sick - and i sed yes and :) an he thot i did!!!!!!!
reely i didunt. so he wuz mad when i wint back to clas AND the dokter didunt get wut made me sick but he doesunt get much englush and he was gardning. he sure cured momy tho. she wuz feelin much better wen he lef her rum but her close lookd much werse tho. i thin the docter tore her dres during surjry.
i think i am rite abowt the docter beeng a salor now. an i think he mises the oshen still cuz he rocks back an forth on momy lik the ships on the oshen. an i think she wants to make him feel better cuz she hugs him and somtimes he stops or she givs him a kiss.
i tryd to hug momy lik that but she told me that i was bad and wear i learnd that an i didunt want her to no i wuz looking at her an so i sed skool and she sed she wuz takin me out of publik skool an that i had been their to long.
hoapfulee i wil get new frens at my new skool. frens lik you diaree!!!! :)
Danny ;):);)
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Friday, February 18th, 2005
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hi diaree its me agin
tuday i wint to skool and my nerses sed how kyute i wuz and how thay wantid to pinch me an it made me feel real gud. thos nerses no how to make me feel speshal and somtimes tinglee an thay sed thay wuz my girlfren an i rememberd how my dad uze to ask girls over for drinx so i ask them if thay want to com over and drink with me and they say no. i tell them i have apple juice and reel hard shit like my dad uze to say and thay tol me i wuz a little pranxter and then thay left and i wuz sad so i tol my dokter i wuz sad. i mean docter, sorree diaree. an now my docter says that i shudunt care abowt wut girls think uv me espeshally not those cunts he says. they think their hot shit an he is rite thay are hot shit. somtimes my mom sez wear do you lern this talk and i say the other kids at skool and she sez i cant have frens at skool. somtims i think girls dont lik me and docters dont lik me and nerses dont lik me. im gunna go smell wite out an rubber sement it maiks me feel fun knee. i lik beeng kreativ.
i will rite soon dont worree diaree!!!!!!
Danny
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Hulo diaree its Danny Tuday my helper told me to keep a junral and recomended an online one and momys computer is right heer so i am usin it
i lik ise creem!!! momy got me som after my visit to docter. she got me it if i didunt bother her wen she has visits frum the gardner who doesunt speek englush. she sez that thay diskuss importent things in her bedrum an wons i lookt in an it was oveeusly importent cuz thay wer reslin with somethun an culdunt get unstuk frum eech other. momy sed he wuz a docter to an it sownded lik thay wer doin somethin paynful cuz she wuz skreemin and moanin an i think that it wuz surjry or somethin cuz he wuz all over her and she had no close on. i dont beleev he wuz a docter tho i think he was a salor cuz he kep yellin SEA SEA SEA and i thin that wuz the onlee englush he new and he misst the oshen and didunt like surjry on momy.
i got a new vidyogame! its cald halo to and its awsum! momy taks the controwler frum me tho wen i play it cuz she doesunt lik guns she sez thats how dady died but i no that its cuz he didunt love momy cuz she was so sik all the time and always had her docter over.
by for now!!!!!!!!!
Danny
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